Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
