I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
