Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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