You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
