it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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