walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
