Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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