OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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