His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found puke in my bra..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
