she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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