Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
