eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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