when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I look better un-naked...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
