brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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