He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
whose parrot is this?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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