5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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