i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
