I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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