My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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