Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
