Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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