my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
