I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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