I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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