Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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