i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
