I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
