i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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