Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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