I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
