She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize