strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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