There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
