Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Two words: blizzard sex
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
