It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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