i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
