just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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