Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
