that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
