You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
