Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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