a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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