Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
