toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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