don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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