If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
