I faked an abortion last night.
I wish I only lived at night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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