Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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