OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
