We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
