dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
