Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize