I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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