apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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