i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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