Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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