You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i think im in europe. pls send help
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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