Your dad touched me again.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
