Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
